does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
