I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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