Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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