i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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