Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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