Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
