i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
