I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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