Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
