you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
