I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
