You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
