Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
