onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
