I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
