I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize