I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I intend to get homeless drunk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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