ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize