$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
