I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
