on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
