u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
