So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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