a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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