bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
