I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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