We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
