Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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