I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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