my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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