my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
