i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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