I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
