Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
