I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
