the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize