If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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