yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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