You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
