Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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