we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize