What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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