I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
