wanna go halves on a baby?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
