I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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