So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
