God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You took a bar mat shot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
