Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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