I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
