Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
