Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't make out with my wife yet
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He better not be in your backpack
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
