I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
