I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
