Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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