i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
