I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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