so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.