Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need moral support for this bender
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom