Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Blame the bisexuality and move on?