Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going