If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.