I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
