you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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