First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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