Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
