That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were destined to go to rehab together
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
