if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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