morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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