Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
