Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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