Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
