I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
